• About 20 percent of teens will experience depression symptoms before they reach adulthood
• Between 10 to 15 percent of teenagers have some symptoms of depression symptoms at any one time
• About 5 percent of teens are suffering from major depression at any one time
• As many as 8.3 percent of teens suffer from depression symptoms for at least a year at a time, compared to about 5.3 percent of the general population
• Most teens with depression will suffer from more than one episode. 20 to 40 percent will have more than one episode within two years, and 70 percent will have more than one episode before adulthood. Episodes of depression generally last about 8 months
• Dysthymia, a type of low grade chronic depression, affects about 2 percent of teens. 15 percent of teens with depression eventually develop bipolar disorder
• A small percent of teens also suffer from seasonal depression, usually during the winter months in higher latitudes.

Depression can affect teens regardless of gender, social background, income level, race, or school or other achievements. Teenage girls report suffering from depression more often than teenage boys. Teenage boys are less likely to seek help or recognize that they suffer from depression. Seeking depression treatment and anxiety treatment is imperative to helping teens live happier, healthier lives. We offer teen counseling in both our Golden Valley and Chaska offices.

Other risk factors that increase the chances of an episode of teen depression include:

• Previous episodes of depression
• Experiencing trauma, abuse, or a long-term illness or disability
• A family history of depression; between 20 to 50 percent of teens who suffer from depression have a family member with depression or other mental disorders
• Other untreated problems; about two thirds of teens with major depression also suffer from another mental disorder, such as dysthymia, addiction to drugs or alcohol, anxiety, or antisocial behaviors.

A teen suffering from depression is also at higher risk for other problems:

• 30 percent of teens with depression also develop a substance abuse problem.
• Teenagers with depression are likely to have a smaller social circle and take advantage of fewer opportunities for education or careers
• Depressed teens are more likely to have trouble at school and in jobs, and to struggle with relationships
• Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases
• Teens with depression seem to catch physical illnesses more often than other teens
• Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide and the third leading cause of death among teenagers. 90 percent of suicide victims suffer from a mental illness. Depression can make a teenager as much as 12 times more likely to attempt suicide.

Less than 33 percent of teens with depression get help, yet 80 percent of teens with depression can be successfully treated with help from a doctor or therapist. Recognizing depression symptoms and seeking depression treatment are key.

Teen depression treatment is important:

Seeking help for depression is the first step in overcoming many problems associated with adolescent depression. Keep reading for tips on seeking help with teen depression.

If you have a family member or friend that suffers from teenage depression, please seek help immediately.

Do not wait for them to come to you. Go talk to them and find out if they are having problems at home, school, or work. The best thing you can do is get them to a local therapist to get a proper diagnosis.

All too often we hear stories of untreated childhood depression symptoms developing into problems with the law, drugs, and alcohol.
If a teenager you know speaks of dying, gives away personal belongings, or is fascinated by death please contact a local therapist or suicide help line ASAP. These are warning signs of suicide attempts. If this person is threatening suicide call 800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or 877-YOUTHLINE (968-8454).

Do not wait for help. There are plenty of residential treatment centers for troubled youth, drug rehab, and other specialty private schools to assist troubled teens.

Teenage Depression Statistics Sources:

• Mental Health: A Report of the Surgeon General [online] Kidshealth.org from the Nemours Foundation, “Understanding Depression”
• Center for Mental Health Services, SAMHSA, A Family Guide, Keeping Youth Mentally Healthy and Drug Free, “Depression Hurts”
• U.S. National Library of Medicine and National Institutes of Health, Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, “Depression signs in Teenagers”
• Mental Health: A Report of the Surgeon General, “Depression and Suicide in children and adolescents”
• WebMD.com : Depression in Childhood and Adolescence, WebMD/The Cleveland Clinic “Seasonal Depression”
• Teen Depression – Help for Troubled Teens – www.teendepression.org

Please call us David Hoy & Associates if you have any questions about our services: (763) 544-1006. Your privacy is respected.

We buy gym memberships to look a certain way, as though mirroring the physical perfection we see in the media will magically make us happy. Going to the gym is also seen as the main route to “getting healthy” – and improving psychological health is not emphasized in the same way. Why?

Likely, the reason why psychological health is deemphasized is because improving it isn’t seen to have the same effect on our appearance as the gym. However, even the claim that therapy doesn’t impact our appearance can be contested: research has shown that our mental health affects how others perceive our physical appearance – and whether they want to befriend us (Rosenblatt & Greenberg, 1988; Chancellor, Layous, Margolis, & Lyubomirsky, 2017).

Another (perhaps less superficial) argument for the importance of therapy is the buoyancy effect. Therapy helps us through difficult times, which are inevitable given that life is unpredictable, often strange, and frequently painful. As a protective factor, therapy can help smooth the bumps in the road – as well as make a good thing even better.

If you would like to explore the personal benefits of mental health therapy for yourself, schedule an appointment in our Golden Valley or Chaska-based office.

Intrigued but not yet convinced? Here are five reasons why therapy positively impacts long-term psychological health.

5 Long-Term Benefits of Therapy

1. Therapy can help you learn life-long coping skills.

Great, you’re thinking, but what exactly are coping skills? Coping skills are anything that helps you through difficult times, whether it’s not getting the promotion you deserve, anxiety about driving, or the death of a loved one. Therapists are educated and trained to help foster the natural coping skills everyone has. Coping skills will look a little different from person to person because everyone is unique. For example, I’m a writer, so I like to journal my thoughts as a way of coping – but someone else might find aromatherapy and bubble baths to be more relaxing. We’re all different, and that’s okay – but it also means that there is no “one size fits all” coping skill.

Therapists can also teach coping skills that might not be as innate. For example, cognitive behavioral therapists will often teach their clients that what they say to themselves has enormous influence on how they feel & how others respond to them. Attachment-focused therapists might ask their clients to think differently about how they interact with people in their lives. Person-centered therapists encourage their clients to treat themselves with unconditional positive regard and practice radical self-acceptance. Regardless of the modality of therapy, the idea is to bolster your personal strengths – often using evidence-based practices the therapist has taught you. Psychologist Rob Winkler agrees, asserting that “better coping leads to better responses and better responses lead to better experiences, which create more opportunity and prosperity in all aspects of our lives.” So while it may not seem as exciting as getting six-pack abs, learning coping skills improves your life exponentially in the long-run.

2. Therapy can change how you interact with people in your life – in a good way.

Sometimes we’re not aware of just how many ways we’re negatively impacting our relationships. We might snap and call our partner names when we’re mad and then forget about it after the fight, not realizing the effect that it has on our partner. On the other side of things, maybe we’re so used to keeping our feelings bottled inside that we have a hard time being assertive with the people we love. A therapist can help balance the way we communicate with our loved ones to improve our relationships. For example, for a client who has a hard time being assertive, a DBT therapist might teach the “Dear Man” skill. In a nutshell, “Dear Man” is a skill that helps a client describe what they want and advocate for themselves in a non-judgmental way.

It can also be useful to hear another person’s input on the important relationships in your life. Are you getting what you want out of your partner – do they make you feel fulfilled? Are your expectations reasonable, or do you think that your partner should be your everything? Or maybe you’re doing everything “right” but there are still ways you could make your connection stronger. A therapist, especially a therapist specialized in family and relationship counseling, can give you the tools and support you need to make changes that will positively impact your relationships. Increasing the positivity of your relationships builds to a more fruitful long-term future – because when it comes down to it, life is about having fulfilling relationships with the people you love and being able to successfully navigate relationships with people you don’t.

3. Therapy can make you feel happier.

True happiness is an elusive thing, and many times people chase the external – money, success, a fancy car – to try to achieve it. Even though it’s an old cliché, there’s truth to the statement that money can’t buy you happiness. Having too little money can cause unhappiness, but money doesn’t have an inherent value that makes our lives more fulfilled. Buying fancy things might give us a temporary thrill or a sense of satisfaction; however, these feelings don’t last and tend to scratch at the surface of true happiness. No one has ever claimed, for example, that the meaning of life is a car; the meaning of life is thought to have more breadth and importance than that.

So how does therapy help you feel happier on a deeper level? Talking over your past, present, and future with a therapist can lead to greater self-understanding. While self-understanding doesn’t always imply self-acceptance, it is the first step towards truly embracing who you are at the core. A related concept is self-compassion. Greater self-compassion helps you handle the bumps in the road that inevitably happen in life without getting stuck in a mire of negativity. Therapists, especially person-centered therapists, often emphasize self-acceptance and self-compassion – and talk us through techniques for increasing both. Learning self-compassion in therapy has tangible benefits: High self-compassion has been found to lead to more health-promoting behaviors (Sirois, Hirsch, & Kitner, 2015), nurture well-being (Neely, Schallert, Mohammed, Roberts, & Chen, 2009), increase empathy and altruism (Neff & Pommier, 2012), and provide a buffer against anxiety (Neff, Kirkpatrick, & Rude, 2007).

4. Through its link to happiness, therapy leads to more productivity.

In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor explains how positive emotions lead to greater productivity: “Happiness gives us a real chemical edge…How? Positive emotions flood our brains with dopamine and serotonin, chemicals that not only make us feel good, but dial up the learning centers of our brains to higher levels” (44). In other words, feeling positive emotions allows you to work harder and learn more because of the “feel good” chemicals in your brain. While productivity isn’t everything, most of us have too much to do and not enough time to do it, especially those of us with demanding jobs or those of us with kids. Increasing your levels of happiness—and with it, your productivity—not only helps you in your career but also helps you cope with the messiness and hectic pace of life.

Therapy can also help you discover obstacles blocking you from performing at your best. These types of road blocks (e.g., perfectionism or overthinking) are challenges a therapist can help you work through to find an effective solution. You and your therapist can also discuss time-management skills and whether changing negative long-term habits—such as poor prioritization or inaccurate assessments—could help with your focus and productivity. These types of changes can lead to long-term benefits such as increased work performance, greater feelings of self-efficacy, and improved relationships. For more information, check out Shawn Achor’s TED Talk “The happy secret to better work.”

5. Therapy can help improve chronic stress.

The ways that therapy can improve long-term stress are numerous. A therapist can teach you methods of calming your body and mind, which might include techniques such as guided visualization, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing. Therapists can also help problem-solve the sources of your stress and teach you stress-reduction techniques. They can introduce you to new concepts such as radical acceptance – that many things in your life are beyond your control and acceptance is the key to reducing your suffering. Best of all, once you learn these techniques, you carry them with you into the rest of your life. In other words, stress relief in the short-term can build into long-term patterns of stress management.

Crucially, a therapist can also be a sounding board who listens to you talk about your life and validates your feelings. This isn’t the same thing as agreeing with you and supporting your every decision, but it can be more valuable – because it nurtures the idea that you’re important, your feelings are worth listening to, and you’re understood. Social support has been shown to be essential for mental health, and, perhaps as importantly, lacking in situations where mental health issues are present. In both the short- and long-term, social support soothes the mind and improves health– as evidenced by numerous studies (Berkman, 1995; Cohen and Janicki-Deverts, 2009; Umberson and Montez, 2010). In short, therapists are effective social support, and feeling supported leads to greater psychological health.

I hope that this blog is an invitation to reexamine how we consider therapy in a wider context. Our culture is ready to accept going to the gym as a way to improve physical health; why not embrace therapy as a way of improving psychological health? Think of therapy as a method of self-improvement, a life-affirming way to make positive changes instead of stagnating. Therapy is not about fixing something that is broken: instead, it is about embracing what we have in order to reach our full, prosperous potential as human beings.

Thank you to Anne Floyd and Rob Winkler for authoring this article! It speaks to the value of Mental Fitness and how to Nurture your Mental Health.

References:

• Achor, S. (2010). The Happiness Advantage. New York City, New York: Penguin Random House.
• Berkman, L.F. (1995). “The Role of Social Relations in Health Promotion.” Psychosomatic Medicine 57, 245-54.
• Chancellor, J., Layous, K., Margolis, S., & Lyubormirsky, S. (2017). “Clustering by Well-Being in Workplace Social Networks: Homophily and Social Contagion.” Emotion 17(8), 1166-1180.
• Cohen, S., & Janicki-Deverts, D. (2009). “Can We Improve Our Physical Health by Altering our Social Networks?” Perspectives on Psychological Science 4, 375-78.
• Neely, M.E., Schallert, D.L., Mohammed, S.S., Roberts, R.M., & Chen, Y. (2009). “Self-Kindness when Facing Stress: The Role of Self-Compassion, Goal Regulation, and Support in College Students’ Well-Being.” Motiv Emot 33, 88-97.
• Neff, K.D., Kirkpatrick, K.L., Rude, S.S. (2007). “Self-Compassion and Adaptive Psychological Functioning.” Jounral of Research in Personality 41, 139-154.
• Neff, K.D., & Pommier, E. (2012). “The Relationship between Self-Compassion and Other-Focused Concern among College Undergraduates, Community Adults, and Practicing Meditators.” Self and Identity, 1-17.
• Rosenblatt, A., & Greenberg, J. (1988). “Depression and Interpersonal Attraction: The Role of Perceived Similarity.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 55, 112-119.
• Sirois, F.M., Hirsch, J.K., & Kitner, R. (2015). “Self-Compassion, Affect, and Health-Promoting Behaviors.” Health Psychology 34(6), 661-669.
• Umberson, D., & Montez, J.K. (2010). “Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy.” Journal of Health and Social Behavior 51, S54-66.

The basis behind traditional IQ tests is to measure the genetic potential for learning and believed, for the most part, to be unchangeable. The presumption is that we are all born with a level of intelligence that remains the same throughout our life-span and dictates our success.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) equates to possessing highly developed social skills. It is now common knowledge that kids with higher degrees of emotional intelligence not only get better grades but also stay in school longer. Would you be surprised to learn that positivity predicts college students’ first-year GPAs better than SAT scores? Hard to believe, isn’t it? It’s true. The three strongest predictors of making it through college to graduation are being socially responsible, learning to manage impulses, and having empathy for others. Unlike traditional measures of IQ, emotional intelligence (EQ) doesn’t remain the same over our life span. It is heavily impacted by our environment and our interaction with others. There is much we can do as parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors to help our children raise their EQs! And it is more important than ever as our children are experiencing historic stress related to isolation from each other as a result of living in a digital world and the isolation of the pandemic. Researchers estimate our kids are three years behind socially and emotionally and unprepared to take on the rigors of high school, college and life beyond.

In the next series of blogs I will break down critical components of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, social management, empathy, and motivation. Stay tuned!

Examples of brain rich foods:

• Fish including: salmon, trout, sardines, tuna, and mackerel
• Berries
• Nuts and Seeds
• Avocado
• Leafy Greens
• Whole Grains
• Dark Chocolate

Let’s start with breakfast. It creates the foundation of a productive and successful day for our kids. I know you are busy and it can be challenging to make sure your child is getting what they need in the midst of preparing for work in the morning and sending them off to school. Be that as it may, a few minutes of prep time will ultimately save you time and make the morning less chaotic. Here are some suggestions for a healthy breakfast:

• Instant oatmeal
• Whole grain cereal with dried fruits, nuts, and low-fat milk or soy milk
• Egg breakfasts with a minimum of fat
• High protein yogurt with fruit
• Whole wheat bread with peanut butter or cheese
• Fruit salad with cottage cheese
• A shake blended with yogurt, milk or soy milk, and fruit.

Check out these links for ideas on how to take time to make time and get your child properly fueled for a successful day of school.

https://www.tasteofhome.com/collection/easy-breakfast-recipes-for-working-moms-dads/

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/266642/egg-bites/

https://www.pureprotein.com/

Written by David Hoy PhD, MA, LP

Executive Director David Hoy & Associates

In his new book, “Mental Fitness for Tweens & Teens,” Dr. David Hoy explains in a step-by-step process, how to assist children to develop mental fitness. He begins with “Foundational Skills.” These are the basic and vital skills your child needs to navigate through life; such as getting good nutrition, incorporating sufficient physical activity into daily routines, obtaining healthy sleep levels, and managing time and money. Sounds easy enough. But, as everyone knows, building a house requires time and energy, resources, and application. The same is true with mental fitness. The materials are simple, but teaching, practicing, and reinforcing these skills in children requires a great deal of time, energy, and multiple repetitions. Dr. Hoy’s book provides ample education and simple/fun exercises to do just that. By working on and integrating these fundamental skills into life practices, one can create a sturdy base on which to build a strong and stable home. Without these essential elements, your child may as well be living in a tent with a dirt floor and canvas walls! Over the next few months, we will preview these Foundational Skills, along with some handy tidbits and techniques from Dr. Hoy’s book. Having learned how to build a strong foundation, we will shift to the second component of Dr. Hoy’s mental fitness framework and share tips on emotional intelligence skills. Stay tuned!

by MarDee Rosen Hall, M.A.,L.P.

Clinical Director,

David Hoy & Associates

1. Restart your computer before a call. Other applications might be using computer power or have access to your camera or microphone. Restarting your computer will ensure your computer is ready for video.
2. Use fast Internet with an ethernet cable. Video quality changes with Internet speed, so the faster your connection, the better the quality of your video will be.
3. Use a newer computer with plenty of processing speed. Sending and receiving video takes a lot of computer power. Old or slow computers will have a harder time processing the video, which can cause choppiness.
4. Use low resolution. If you are experiencing poor quality, try lowering the resolution. Using LD or SD requires less bandwidth and computer power than using HD, which will mean less choppiness during your call.
5. Use headphones. Your computer will usually automatically eliminate echo or audio feedback so you don’t hear yourself talking. But if it happens, both you and other participants in the call using headphones should solve the problem.
6. Use a private room. Be sure to go to a space in your house where you can be alone. You may need to get creative to do this.  Some people have sessions in their laundry rooms or cars.
7. Minimize any distractions. If you are meeting on a lap-top, keep your phone turned off for the session. Keep the television, radio, and other devices off. Make sure your kids have an activity to keep them busy, in order to minimize interruptions.
8. Consider utilizing a journal. You can keep a journal and share insights/questions and other thoughts with your therapist that you thought of throughout the week.

https://help.doxy.me/en/articles/95861-five-tips-for-a-great-experience

Here’s the part that blew me away the most about this afternoon…not one person had a cell phone in hand and without exception, everyone waved and said “hi”. What a different experience it is to read facial expressions and body language as opposed to seeing the top of someone’s head as they stare into their phone! Rather than wondering what each other were thinking, or being preoccupied with ourselves, we were all 100 percent in tune with each other and aware of how the Covid-19 pandemic has changed our lives for now.  It relates very similarly to the Chapter 6 of My Book where I mention the impact of cell phones, wireless technology, and the importance of connection to help raise emotionally intelligent children.

Academic research in communication has led to important discoveries in the power of nonverbal communication such as facial expressions, body language and voice tones. And discoveries in neuroscience have revealed that as human beings we all have a percentage of neurons in our brains that imitate each other when we come into contact. We literally have a “blue tooth” connection with each other that transcends language. Our blue tooth connection creates true understanding and empathy for each other as we wrestle this unprecedented Covid-19 pandemic. As I rode through my neighborhood reading facial expressions and body language, I was moved and inspired. There was a strong feeling of support and solidarity. A feeling like we are all in this together and everything is going to be OK. Everyone seemed to genuinely want to connect with and support each other.

Change is hard and can stretch us in ways that are scary and beautiful at the same time. If you’re looking for someone to connect with, try telehealth as a mental health therapy option. We are definitely being stretched by the Covid-19 experience. My hope for us when we bounce back is that we never forget how important it is to connect, be in relationship and understand the experience of others. How do you imagine your life changing for the better when we stretch back?

If you are in need of mental health services, please consider our firm David Hoy & Associates.  We offer telehealth and video therapy services to give support during these challenging times. https://davidhoy.com/location/online-video-counseling/ 

Feel free to check out my book on raising emotionally intelligent children on Amazon Paperback and Kindle. https://amzn.to/3dQpATs

People engaging with one another without phones.

With spring break right around the corner, you might be frantically cancelling your cruise in hopes of salvaging some of that refund that they said was 100% refundable. After all your hard work cancelling all the plans you spent so much time organizing, you might be feeling defeated and discouraged.

Understandable! What was planned on being a once in a lifetime cruise to Italy is now nothing more than a cruising of the latest updates on Instagram and a scrolling through Netflix shows you’ve seen time after time after time. Be honest, how many times can you watch all seasons of “The Office”?

This scenario does not have to be you! I would encourage you to get out and enjoy this big wide world in spite of the current climate (weather pun intended). From Dr. David Hoy’s book “Getting Into A Good College May Not Be As Hard As You Think!” in chapter 9 we are reminded about the importance of physical activity. Remember these helpful hints:

It is more effective to make it fun than intense: It is easy to associate exercise with work or strain on the body. If you can find activities involving movements that are fun, the family is more likely to engage. For example, some kids don’t necessarily like to “exercise,” but enjoy being outdoors. Canoeing, biking, hiking, nature walks, or swimming may be options.

Find the right activity: Experiment. Try something new each day. Talk to your family and find out what they like. You might discover a life-long passion you can bond with more regularly than those dusty old pictures of your would be Italian cruise!

Find activities you can do together: It doesn’t matter how old your kids get. There are always things to do together that are not only fun and physically healthy, but a great way to connect with each other. Take turns as a family choosing different activities.

We really hope you can take advantage of this AMAZING opportunity to do something new this spring break with your family. Use those mental fitness skills to adapt to this new challenge and remember to wash your hands!

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies” – Aristotle

I vividly remember a phone call I had one day with my older sister, as a young man, having recently met Sandy, my girlfriend, as a coworker in a busy restaurant. As big sisters do, she wanted to know all about her. “What makes her so special” she asked? “I don’t know; it’s hard to explain. I feel her all over. It’s like she’s in my body.” The universe was drawing us together in ways that we weren’t fully aware of. We used to lay outside on beautiful sunny days in a dream state, catching rays and having picnics with each other. One day in particular we had a heart to heart conversation in which we shared intimate details of our lives—the good stuff and the hard stuff. That conversation fostered a love we have shared with each other through three children, 31 years of marriage, 23 years of running a business together, and most recently authoring my first book which was dedicated to: “Sandy, My Love and Inspiration, Always and Forever.”

The initial stages of love are truly magic and relationships need to be nurtured to keep the love strong. One of the most powerful ways to nurture relationships is to strive to be emotionally intelligent with each other. Emotional intelligence in relationships is being aware of our feelings in any given moment and picking up on the feelings and needs of our partner. Sandy and I have had many “date nights” over the years where we pull ourselves away from all of the stresses of jobs and children to reconnect and rekindle the dream state. It took some practice at first for us to learn to block everything out and attune with each other. Like anything, the more you do it, the easier it gets. The more attuned we are with our partners, the more we are able to understand and accept our strengths and weaknesses. And the more accepting we are of our strengths and weaknesses in relationships, the more we are able to complete each other and create a soul connection much greater than our individual selves.

This being the month for love my hope is for you to spend some quality time with your partner to ignite the flame and fuel the passion in your relationship!

-Dr. David Hoy

Undoubtedly, payback time comes when we become parents. I vividly remember the day my 16 year old daughter came home from her driver’s license test. She had not only just passed, but had done it on her first attempt. She was in orbit! I stopped her in mid sprint as she grabbed my car keys from the kitchen table. We were both simultaneously incensed. I, by her new found sense of entitlement over driving, and her, for being questioned. After all, she had just passed her test. What could possibly go wrong now? Sparks were flying to say the least!

Parents, sound familiar? Rest assured Mom and Dad, you are not being a bad parent and your teenager is doing what teens do. Remember the “Cool Hand Luke” movie with Paul Newman? A prison guard in conflict with Luke stated; “what we have here, is a failure to communicate.”

Brain based researchers would agree, in that moment, my daughter and I were having a failure to communicate from a biological perspective. Although adolescent brain based research is in its infancy, it is well established that the emotional center of the brain in the limbic system (amygdala), matures earlier than the higher order thinking and planning part of the brain (prefrontal cortex).

Teens with lesser developed thinking and planning parts of their brains have a much quicker route to their emotional center, resulting in what has been referred to by researchers and clinicians as “limbic lava.”  Teenagers are predisposed to volcanic eruptions of raw emotion that can get quite hot.  It is the job of the higher order thinking and planning part of the brain to cool the limbic lava. When our children are unable to cope with raw emotions and think rationally, they need guidance and support to make good decisions.

Activated limbic lava made it very difficult for my daughter to focus and answer the “who, what, when, where, and why” of my questions. “How can you not let me go? I just passed my test! Please, just let me go!” I assisted her by taking a breath, slowing myself down, and providing an explanation for my questions. When she became convinced that it was about her safety, she participated with me in making a plan.

Knowledge of limbic lava does not give us a pass to ignore our teen’s eruptions, nor for them to erupt whenever they want. If we view these eruptions as events that must be corrected immediately however, we could inadvertently be setting ourselves and our children up for failure. If we view our teenager’s development not as an event but an ongoing process, we will have better success. An adolescent’s path to a fully developed thinking and planning (prefrontal cortex) part of the brain can take 10-15 years, extending in to the mid-twenties.

Neuropsychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegal refers to the adolescent brain as a “brain under construction.” Development starts from the base of the brain, moving up towards the front from lower to higher level functions. The end goal is the development of an “integrated brain.” Emotions are mediated by rational thought for the sake of our children’s ability to control impulses and make sound decisions.

Siegal identifies two very important processes going on in what he refers to as the “remodeling” of the adolescent brain: “pruning” and “myelination.” Pruning is the carving away of previously developed neural connections in pre-adolescence.  Myelination is the laying down of a sheath on the existing neural connections. Both of these processes’ together contribute to increased communication and efficiency between the emotional and thinking parts of the brain. Remodeling can be messy but is a necessary phase for development of an integrated adult brain.

Good news! It is not simply nature that impacts our children’s developing brains. As parents and caregivers, we can also nurture our children towards healthy brain biology. Here are 10 tips from the Raising Children Network that strengthen healthy brain connections:

• Let your teen take some healthy risks

Providing opportunities such as part time work, volunteering, and travel promote the development of independent identity. As a parent, you get to gauge what you think they are ready for and offer support along the way.

• Help your teen find new creative and expressive outlets for expression of feelings

Sports, music, writing, art, and theatre are great outlets for expression of feelings during adolescence. Have a chat with your child about what they are interested and provide them with opportunities for creative outlets.

• Talk through decisions

Facilitate discussions in which you talk through pros and cons of decision making. Counselors often have clients make lists of pros and cons on poster paper, hang them up on a wall, and read them out loud to aid in decision making. You can do the same with your child.

• Family routines

As hard as it may be with teenagers, rituals such as eating dinner together as a family are very beneficial. You may feel a draw to talk about bad grades, being tardy, or having messy rooms. Be careful with this. Keep the conversation upbeat. You want to create a positive association with your child and the dinner table.

• Provide boundaries and opportunities to create boundaries

Sleep overs, parties, concerts, and driving around with friends are normal and socially beneficial activities for teens, with limits and boundaries. Negotiate and teach rather than impose limits and boundaries. By nature teenagers are moving towards autonomy and independence and will be much more willing to listen to you if they are empowered in the decision making process.

• Offer frequent praise for desired behaviors

Noticing and praising your teen for getting a good grade or putting in a good effort is far more reinforcing than chastising for bad grades or poor effort.  Spend more time looking for positive in your child than the negative.

• Be a positive role model

It is almost impossible to fool a teenager. Your actions have a much more powerful impact on your teen’s attitudes and behaviors than your words. They are watching you more than you think. Engaging in prosocial behavior such as helping, sharing, donating, cooperating, co-parenting, or any other activity that benefits society as a whole are great modeling for your child.

• Talk to your teen about their developing brain

Your children may be more willing to listen to you if you provide them some education about their developing brains. Taking care of their brain could result in higher grades and better performance in sports and leisure activities.

• Help your teen develop a sleep routine

This one can take persistence parents. Teenagers produce melatonin later in the evening than we do which can make it hard for them to get to sleep at night resulting in being tired in the morning. Make sure they have a comfortable sleep environment and encourage them to wind down from the electronics before bed. The average teenager needs 9 hours of sleep a night.

• Help you your teen manage stress

A developing brain is more vulnerable to stress than a mature brain. Be sure to nurture your child and protect them from stress as much as possible. Develop a relationship in which they feel comfortable talking to you about stressors such as peer pressure, chemical use, transitions and other major life events.

Enjoy those kids and check out the resources below for parenting your teenager.

www.davidhoy&associates.com

Bates, M. (2014). Michelle K. jetha and sidney J. segalowitz: Adolescent brain development: Implications for behavior. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 43(12), 2088-2090. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10964-014-0219-3

http://summitcounseling.org/blog/help-my-teenager-is-driving-me-crazy/

http://nypost.com/2013/12/07/why-is-your-teen-crazy/

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/29/opinion/sunday/why-teenagers-act-crazy.html?_r=0

http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/brain_development_teenagers.html

http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2012/04/02/3467743.htm

http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/teenager/health-and-development/brain-development/pruning-process-adolescent-brain